Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
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