Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
