So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
