Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
