its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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