I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
