did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
tequila makes me forget i have legs
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
