when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
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I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
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Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
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