i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
