So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
