so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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