I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
His hands were made for my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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