I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
We are all done wearing pants today
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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