I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Randomize
