she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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