i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
