people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
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i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
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I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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