she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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