The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Randomize
