So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
