So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
