I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
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