She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
