We won't sleep together?
There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
