Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
