When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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