If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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