I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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