you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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