my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
This is classic penis vs brain.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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