My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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