i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
