If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Still dying that you shit outside
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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