Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Randomize
