I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
