If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
