You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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