I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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