I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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