Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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