we have pet lesbian snakes
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
