Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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