I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
sarcasm needs its own font
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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