she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
