Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
