The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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