im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
You're earring is so big in my mouth
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
