it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
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All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
We're using joints as your birthday candles
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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