Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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