I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
