Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
