ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
