Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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