I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Randomize
