i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
