Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
