Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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