Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
