I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
