batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Randomize
