My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
