yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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