I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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