So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Randomize
