I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
