she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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