im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize