if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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