I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
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