Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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