i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
