based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize
