im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
