I love black thongs
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
