Nicole vs. Life
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
