I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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