I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
