Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
