I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
